Revisions!

For my first revision I think I would like to modify my descriptive essay. I think that it was a good start, but there are a lot of elements in the paper that can be improved upon. After examining many more pieces throughout the semester I now possess a better understanding of effective ways to incorporate description into the piece. There are also a lot of ‘easy fixes’ to be made to my descriptive piece, such as: transition sentences, emphasis on the ‘so what?’ and overall word choice. Based on feedback I think that one of the main thing I need to address in this piece is better narrative voice. I need to incorporate more of my feelings about my dad into the description.

I would also like to revise my third paper about the film “No Strings Attached”. In this paper I think the analysis portion definitely needs some work. After re-reading the essay, along with the feedback notes, I can see that some of the points that I am trying to make are somewhat hazy because of lack of poor analysis. I think I need to incorporate more evidence by using more elements from the movie in order to make this paper better. This revision might be a little bit more challenging, because I also think I may need to do some re-wording of my original thesis statement in order to make the ‘so what?’ clearer to the audience.

Thanksgiving

The fifteen-minute drive was filled with the sight of hundreds of bare trees. Almost all of the leaves have finished their journey of life and now scatter themselves amongst the ground. The image reminds me of a desolate battlefield, full of fallen soldiers and I am immediately thankful that every member of my family is here at home, and able to celebrate the holiday with one another. I immediately realize when we have reached the neighborhood where my aunt and uncle reside because all of the tiny houses resemble one another. Upon entering the house I am immediately bombarded with hugs and kisses. The smell of turkey is the first to enter into my nostrils. Soon after stuffing, mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables follow. The sound of Lions game echoing in the background distracts me from the prayer that is being said aloud. After grace is said a mad dash to the kitchen counter begins. My plate resembles Mount Everest after I pile small samples of everything onto it. The taste is ten times better than usual (Whether it is actually better or just tastes better after weeks of cafeteria ‘food’ I may never know). After consuming two heaping plates of food and two pieces of pie I feel as if I may explode at any minute. The constant sounds of conversation and laughter that fill the room remind me that the saying is true: there’s no place like home. 

Feminist Movement Paper

In my paper I am arguing that there are many facts to indicate that there is still a need for presence of the feminist movement in society today. I have a few main topics that I want to cover to illustrate this. These topics include: government, sports, workforce, and life at home. I have many facts about women being discriminated in the workforce, and I think that this is my strongest point so I am going to put it last. Some of these examples include references to pay gaps and stereotypes. For life at home I want to discuss the issues of domestic violence. I also think it will be important to include facts about how many  women are stay-at-home mothers and discuss how even those who are not are still placed with the majority of the burdens of domestic chores. For women in government I am going to discuss the advancements that have been made, but I am also going to show how far behind women still are. I cannot decide if sports has enough substantial evidence to support my claim. I want to think of a more primary example but have not thought of one yet. My refutation of the claim that the feminist movement is dead will discuss the idea of gender schemas and how these stereotypical beliefs contribute the the fact that women are still continuing to be oppressed.

Paper 4: possible idea...

Recently there has been a lot of controversy over whether or not the feminist movement is still needed. Questions have also been raised on whether or not the current movement is moving in the right direction. Feminists believe that women should have ALL of the same rights that men have; they believe that social, political and economic inequalities still exist between men and women, and there are many facts that prove that these implications are true, and that these inequalities do in fact exist. So whether you believe that the movement is too “left-wing” oriented, or anti-male, that does not suggest that there is not a need for the movement. There are still many women’s rights that need to be improved upon, and hidden inequalities in aspects of daily life that should be eliminated. Some examples of these inequalities exist in salaries/wages, sports recognition, and political achievement. Other aspects that the feminist movement aims to improve occur in home life. One source states, “Women still shoulder most of the burden for performing domestic tasks such as cleaning, cooking and child-rearing, and many women continue to endure physical and psychological abuse from men” (Update: Feminism, 2008).

I think that there are a lot of facts that confirm that the feminist movement is still needed to further women’s equality in today’s society. I will show the audience that this movement is still needed and that the movement does have its faults, but it is making a gradual progression. I think that I could definitely include a rebuttal of the opposing argument. I’m not sure how I want to approach this yet.

close read

The movie “No Strings Attached” may appear to be the typical romantic comedy when watching from an outsider’s perspective; but in reality, the message being portrayed illustrates the insecurities of a young female and therefore the normative ideas about this film are denied. This implication sends a negative image to young women, and gives them false ideals about relationships.

After Emma and Adam begin to abandon the idea of having casual sex they decide that they want to try dating. Their first date took place on Valentines Day. In the beginning of their date Emma shows her insecurities:

I made you a Valentines Day card- Emma

What? - Adam (laughing)

It’s perfect. Will you read it for me? –Adam

You give me premature ventricular contractions – Emma (reading card)

I’m assuming that’s a good thing – Adam

You make my heart skip a beat – Emma

Aww – Adam

Don’t make fun of me! – Emma

In this scene Emma puts herself out there even though she is unsure of the outcome, and Adam immediately shuts down her attempt at displaying emotion. Because their relationship has previously consisted of just sex, Emma’s insecurities increase. She does not know how to be Adam’s girlfriend because she has been seen as an object to him in all prior occurrences. There is no foundation for the relationship. The previous time spent together had no purpose for either party, other than physical pleasure. Society has grown to accept the idea of casual sex, but in most instances being ‘sex buddies’ does not work for anyone in the general population. It is almost impossible to partake in this activity over and over again without developing some sort of emotional attachment.

third person

A middle-aged man with a briefcase weaves through the endless stream of people. The young mother stops to tend to her weeping child, who sits uncomfortably in his stroller. An elderly man holds the door for his soul mate as she enters their favorite restaurant. Many students walk to and from their classes carrying the burden of a long week of school on their backs. Diversity floods the streets of Ann Arbor, but it also surges its ideals into any other place that society will allow.

What would a world without diverse people be like? Dull, drab, and dreary images would surround its entirety. Maya Angelo once said, “It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength”.  Beauty lies in the fact that God made each person unique, and strength occurs when these unique identities combine to make positive change.

Diversity stems hatred. If more people accepted the diversities among one another the world would be a much better place to live in. The United States takes pride in the term ‘melting pot’. The country has been extremely successful in overcoming obstacles throughout history, and will continue to be successful; so long as the acceptance of diversity remains. 

the end of a beginning

The persistent sound of high-pitched screeching has never sounded sweeter. A mother speaks those inevitable, cliché words without thought, “She’s beautiful”. The product of nine long months is mounted in the air for all to see, like a work of art on display in a magnificent gallery. A tall, slender man clothed in light blue cotton from head to toe holds the image of precious new life firmly in the grasp of his giant hands. As part of tradition, the eager new father cuts the attachment that has served as the primary bond in this miracle of a process. The last sigh of relief exits her mouth, as exhaustion weighs down on the woman who is sprawled out on the hospital bed. “One…two…three…four…five…six. Almost there! Seven…eight…nine…ten. That’s perfect!”  The man who will soon assume the role of a father grasps his wife’s clammy hand in an effort to fulfill his current role as her main source of support. He whispers eloquent words of comfort into her ear. “Ok. It’s time to start pushing,” says the obstetrician. The doctor checks her level of dilation after what seems like an eternity. The hands on the clock could not move any slower if they tried. A family waits eagerly in the designated area, as the couple settles into their room. So much love already exists for this person whose life has yet to begin. Questions of “will she have my nose?” and “what color do you think her hair will be?” echo throughout the lobby as members of the family begin to arrive. After being wheeled in, the couple is greeted at the front desk by a friendly, young nurse on staff. The silver, 2010 Pontiac G6 halts to an abrupt stop as they pull into the parking lot. Racing through stop signs and red lights allows the couple to arrive in a matter of minutes. They pile into the car (which will soon be traded in for the latest mini-van) and throw their packed belongings into the back seat. Exiting the house turns into a surprisingly easy task, seeing how they have prepared for this moment throughout the previous week. In a matter of seconds an exhausted man, and an uncomfortable woman grab their bags of clothes, kiss the dog goodbye, and shut off the lights. A wide-eyed expression passes over the father-to-be as he looks down at the puddle on his mattress. “Hey babe! I think she’s coming!” All is quiet throughout the interior and exterior. Serenity fills the house that sits in the middle of a suburb. The clock reads ‘4:08 AM’.

Guilty Pleasure

            Sleepovers with my friends are an exact replica of what you see in the movies. After piling onto one couch, seven crazy girls spend their night watching low budget scary movies, eating junk food, logging onto Chatroulette, gossiping, and reading magazines. Reading magazines may sound like the least harmful of these activities, but this is where my guilty pleasure comes into play. We started reading Cosmopolitan magazine when one of my friends bought an issue from Meijer and brought it to a gathering one night out of curiosity. She pulled the vibrantly colored magazine out of her bag and shot the rest of us a devious look. Gathering in a circle around the publication felt like being part of a sports team getting ready to run over the game plan. As we began to shuffle through the shiny pages we read about how to get the perfect abs, dating advice, sex tips, what to wear, etc. Deep down we all know that the advice is bull shit, and that we shouldn’t even be reading this advice because none of it applies to our lives anyway! Even with this knowledge we can’t seem to put it down! After rifling through page after page we come to the end of the magazine (also known as the best part). Laughter explodes through the room as we take turns narrating an excerpt from the latest cheesy romance novel. When I read the magazines with my friends it feels acceptable, because it’s entertaining. But passing by the magazines in the checkout aisle sends a wave of temptation over me. I grab the latest issue and think to myself, “I’ll just check out one of the cover stories and put it back”. But after holding it in my hands I cannot resist. The feeling of shame washes over me after I reach into my pocket and pull out four dollars. I look around to see if anyone is watching as I rush over to the self-scan machine, and quickly stuff the magazine into a plastic bag. Make that two plastic bags. 

The Bus

I walk to the designated area. The metal bench tempts me by saying “It’s ok, take a seat”. My feet hurt so much that I begin to ponder this idea for a few moments before remembering the moment I do, I sacrifice my chances of getting a spot on the next shuttle to hell (also known as Math 105). It’s like selling your soul to Satan. Instead I decide to stand. Sorry feet!

I make my way to the curbside. I stand so close to the edge that I have to look down to ensure that I will not stumble over the side. The taste of old Trident Layers fills my mouth and I immediately wish I would have brought another piece along with me; there’s no turning back now. Seconds later the sound of the brakes echoing to a screeching stop travels through my ear canals and those of everyone around me. I can feel the anticipation of my fellow colleagues as we see the maize and blue bus rounding the corner. The tension is so thick I feel as if I could slice a piece of it out of the air with a carving knife. “Please stop right in front of me. Please stop right in front of me. Perfect!” I cannot believe my luck! The gigantic whale, waiting to swallow us up has come to a halt and I am standing right in front of its mouth. 

The school of fish is pushing and shoving and I can feel their weight bearing down on my back. I hear a loud creaking noise as the doors open. Just like a natural instinct, I swim through the doors and into the back where I know an empty seat will be waiting for me. Wrongfully filled with excitement, I stammer to the back and discover a spot in the corner. Sweet relief sets in as I remove my backpack and take a seat. This feeling is only temporary however. The smells of body odor and cheap cologne barricade my nostrils. As the bus begins to proceed the people who are left standing have to stammer to keep their balance. A ginormous backpack swings into my peripheral vision and there is no way to prevent what is coming. Soon I receive a smack in the face. As I sit amongst the crowd of students I am filled with depression. I am reminded of the fact that when the day is finally over, the giant whale will once again consume me. 

Writing Process

            In my opinion, the best conditions for writing are when it is completely silent. I find that this is imperative in order to focus my thoughts and produce decent writing. If I am writing for fun I do not mind playing light music in the background. I like to write at night when I can lay in my bed, with my notebook or laptop, and relax. I have found that I produce much better writing when I am not stressed and give myself ample time to complete a project.

Often times I like to write in steady streams. Once I get into “the flow” of writing I find it difficult to stop. I like to work until I get something done, rather than having my workload spread out. Occasionally I will write in short bursts if an idea comes to mind, or if I have a little amount of time. Revising is vital to my work. My papers get revised over and over again by my peers and I before they are completed. I almost always start with the introduction when I am writing. Starting from the beginning enables me to gain some background knowledge on the topic and comprise a legit thesis.

In order to develop organized paragraphs I need to have a clear mindset. Having a thesis aids in this process. It also helps if I find all of my sources before drafting, rather than adding in random sources later. I like to have a clear outline before I begin my initial draft.