For my first revision I think I would like to modify my descriptive essay. I think that it was a good start, but there are a lot of elements in the paper that can be improved upon. After examining many more pieces throughout the semester I now possess a better understanding of effective ways to incorporate description into the piece. There are also a lot of ‘easy fixes’ to be made to my descriptive piece, such as: transition sentences, emphasis on the ‘so what?’ and overall word choice. Based on feedback I think that one of the main thing I need to address in this piece is better narrative voice. I need to incorporate more of my feelings about my dad into the description.
I would also like to revise my third paper about the film “No Strings Attached”. In this paper I think the analysis portion definitely needs some work. After re-reading the essay, along with the feedback notes, I can see that some of the points that I am trying to make are somewhat hazy because of lack of poor analysis. I think I need to incorporate more evidence by using more elements from the movie in order to make this paper better. This revision might be a little bit more challenging, because I also think I may need to do some re-wording of my original thesis statement in order to make the ‘so what?’ clearer to the audience.
